**Language warning. Sexual content warning** (If you don’t like bad language or discussions about sex toys, jog on to another post, there’s plenty of both here).
Another long driving day landed us in Prague, in the Czech Republic.
Dinner was followed by cocktails from a bucket and we headed into town for a short walking tour before giving up on that (we were all too drunk) and going to another pub. On the way to the pub, I walked smack-bang into another person coming in the opposite direction and spilled my drink all down the front of her dress. She wasn’t happy. I apologised profusely more than once as my friends laughed in hysterics at my expense. Following this I went to stop at an ATM to withdraw some cash and realised my drivers license (also my ID for the night) was no longer in my pocket, presumably having fallen out while scrounging around in said pocket for my tram ticket half an hour or so earlier. So being down my ID, and down a drink, I thought “fuck it” and drank on. A messy night was in store as we made it to the 5 story nightclub with ice bar on the bottom floor. I drank vodka out of ice glasses and chilled upstairs with the crew drinking more cocktails. Lots of laughs, drunken chats and a great night saw us make the trek back to the hostel. Our bus driver was in a state and we caught him urinating on an ATM. Everyone rolled around on the ground at the tram stop for half an hour as we waited for the tram, with our stacks-on-love-cuddles in the gutter proving to all of us just how messy this night had become. On the tram, our bus driver (not the tram driver) was thirsty and grabbed at a water bottle that one of the girls had. She told him “its Vodka, not water” but he was too drunk to comprehend. “Its NOT water” we all said as he took a huge swig in his mouth and spat it all over the floor of the train while yelling “FUCK”, with horror and disgust on his face at the bottles deception. He didn’t live that one down for some time. We managed to crawl into bed just after 3am and awaken with some sore heads the next day! I wasn’t in the worst shape out of the group but the first couple of hours of the morning were a struggle. I made it out of bed and chilled out with a few others (mostly as we were looking after “B” while she threw up copious amounts of green fluid from the absinthe the night before) before heading into town for lunch.
We visited the museum of torture which reminded me of something between witch hunts, some seriously messed up shit, and a BDSM lair. Afterwards we had hot chocolate by the river, walked around town, and went to the museum of sex toys. This had an array of sexual toys for play, medicinal purposes, or to enforce abstinence. There were dildos of all shapes and sizes made from everything from wood to solid gold. It wasnt a pleasure house but was informative as it took you through the times of sexuality and pleasure. I still find the notion of women’s hysteria as a medical issue so fascinating. For those who dont know what this is, it is the sexual urges of a women (at a time that it was believed women did not experience orgasm), causing her vagina to swell and secrete fluid (to make her wet) accompanied by impure thoughts, urges, and sometimes described by men as to the point of madness where women were put into asylums. That was, until a doctor found the treatment of such which was massaging her G-spot and/or clitoris to the point of climax although at no point was it recognised as achieving orgasm/climax but rather the breath quickening, body shaking uncontrollably and vaginal spasms were recognised as the solution. This Doctor had women coming to him left, right and center (I wonder why) and soon his fingers became sore. Hence one of the first fucking machines was born to combat this problem. There were other forms of toys here too for individual or couples play. I found some of the sexual torture instruments rather confronting though, with chastity belts for both men and women. One of the mens belts was a full chest plate with a hole for the penis to fit through, that was placed on boys at the onset of puberty basically to prevent erections and wet dreams, as the top rim of the penile hole was laced with spikes. Now, if you’re into BDSM (more so the latter S&M) and enjoy this kind of pain as a consenting adult, then power to you (and high fives), but placing this on an innocent child whose body is changing and cannot control this, is just plain cruel. We finished off this museum tour with an old black and white silent porn film playing downstairs that was very obscure and basically involved a maid, butler, lady and man of the house with a terrible moustache all sleeping with each other in different rooms one after the other but at no point did any of them appear to be particularly enjoying the sexual encounters. This was a good laugh at the very least.
The day was rounding off, so we finally climbed the watch tower (bell tower) to watch the sunset over the town. This was a beautiful moment that made time stand still for the half an hour or so that we were up there. Down in the town square below us, there was a busker singing and playing his keyboard so the ambient sounds of his voice filled the air as we watched the sun slowly set over the Gothic town and beyond the mountains. I thought about my girlfriend up here a lot and wished she was by my side to experience this special moment with me.
There was a lot I didn’t get to see and this is a city I definitely want to come back to. There is a magic in the air in Prague and I can’t quite put my finger on it. The energy is nice here and the city is beautiful on is own, without man made attempts to increase the beauty (like in some other cities with buildings covered in gold for example). It has a charm and the people are friendly. Definitely a place I shall return to.
A group dinner rounded out the day.
The next morning I awoke to a conversation with my girlfriend that had her breaking up with me. Her own insecurities, and self doubt being a Lesbian Christian caused conflict and guilt in her heart that meant she could not continue on with me. I was a mess. I cried all morning, in the shower, at breakfast, and on the bus. All I can say is thank goodness I was with my Topdeckers. My guide and my fellow passengers were a pillar of strength for me and a couple dozen shoulders to cry on… literally. It was a drive day and I spent most of this day on the bus either crying, or wondering where it all went wrong, and if there was anything I could have done to change it. My heart hurt, and the rest of me was numb. I am so glad I got to experience the magic of Prague before this happened.